


Bury my heart underneath these trees

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus Clay Deserves Nice Things, Caduceus Clay Needs a Hug, Family Dynamics, Gen, Prophetic Visions, Reunions, Scars, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Rivalry, Team as Family, Temporary Character Death, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26017999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Caduceus nodded with that pensive smile of his as he methodically began pouring the perfect amount of tea into each cup. "What about you, Caduceus?" Clarabelle asked politely as she lifted the cup in her hands, letting the steam warm her face. "How did She steer you do the Dust's?""Oh," Caduceus said. "I died."Colton choked on his tea.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Clay Family
Comments: 8
Kudos: 136





	Bury my heart underneath these trees

**Author's Note:**

> This fic went through SO MANY name changes. It was going to be 'friendly fire' but then the plot changed, then it was going to be a line from Hozier's 'Take me to Chruch' and then literally, the day I'm posted this, I listened to a song from Delta Rae (who I love) called 'I will never die' and a lot of the lines were about nature and death and your body being one with nature, and I thought it really fit with the Clays and Caduceus and the Blooming Grove. So this is my second Delta Rae lyrical for a title for a CR fic in a row. Oh well haha. I hope you enjoy it!! This is set sometime in the future during a break from all the craziness that they're dealing with. I love the Clay fam and I hope we get to see more of them!!

"Did you die too?"

The abrupt question caught them off guard. The four of them were seated together in a tight circle, knee to knee, in the plush, _healthy_ green grass of their home, Caduceus's kettle between them, boiling and hissing at them as the tea brew.

They were sat in the garden, under the shade of the large oak tree, wedged between the graves they had grown up around, the earth at their base dotted with colourful flowers. In the near distance, the rest of Caduceus's slap-happy team entertained themselves. Beauregard was helping Aunt Corrin pick the fruit from the highest boroughs of the fig tree, passing them to Corrin before she, in turn, dropped it down to Veth, who was waiting with a basket to catch any incoming fruit. Yasha aided Cornelious in preparing the worn and broken parts of the temple and nearby structures by effortlessly carrying his heavy equipment while Constance regaled he ones that remained with tales of Caduceus's childhood and his most embarrassing moments as a cat weaved between their legs, and to their credit, Jester, Fjord and Caleb all looked intrigued with every story and eager to listen.

To the Clay's, it had been mere seasons since they had been in this space, the leaves slightly withered and the grass kind of dull, but nothing had really changed for them. For Caduceus, it had been ten years since he had seen his family all in one place like this, in the Grove, just as it should have been. It had been quite some time since he had seen his home so healthy-looking and filled with this many people. Well, of the living variety, anyway.

A quick visit to the Blooming Grove on their way to Shady Creek Run was how the Mighty Nein had convinced Caduceus to spend time with his family. He hadn't wanted to return home until his tenure with the Nein had ended but the invitation to return home, even for a brief moment, was too compelling.

The garden blossomed healthier than it had in years, the perimeter around their home was steadily losing its wicked edge, and deeper into the Savalirwood the creatures were losing their mutations and even the plant life was returning to it's natural, healthy state.

Now, they sat under the oak tree that was just a sapling when they had left, it's limbs weak and fragile, like Caduceus used to be, as if a particularly strong wind would blow it over and snap it in the middle. But it had survived the harsh winters and the blight upon the land and had thrived into a tall tree with a thick trunk and healthy, dark leaves.

Caduceus, even after all these years, still remembered how they took their tea. He knew that Colton secretly enjoyed an extra spoonful of honey, but would never admit it. He knew that Colliope liked her's strong and bitter, with an extra hit of citrus. He knew Clarabelle liked the sweeter strains, with hints of berry tones. Corrin liked herbal teas, and Constance liked spice, and Cornelious liked earthy flavours. Even after all these years, Caduceus still remembered the most benign things about them. Some things, thankfully, never changed. 

He wasn't looking at them when he asked the question. His eyes were focused on the hissing tea-pot, his hands folded loosely across his lap, his teacup sitting on the ground before his crossed legs as he awaited the boiling tea.

"What?" Colton turned to face him with a frown, tearing his eyes away from the familiar, comforting sight of the steadily boiling tea. "Die? What are you talking about?"

Calliope reached over and smacked him. "Be _nice_ ," she chided.

"You know," Caduceus gestured vaguely as if they hadn't spoken. "The visions. The green grass, the Kiln, the Dust's. How did She give you your visions?"

"That's a pretty obscure question, Caddy," Calliope cleared her throat. She put her teacup aside as she thought of an answer. "I mean, I can't speak for everyone, but She sent it in a dream. I fell asleep in a snowstorm and awoke with the ground around me warm and clear of any snow like She shielded me from it."

Her siblings nodded in agreement. "I was lying under the stars," Clarabelle began, running her finger over the rim of her teacup. "And it was as if She was re-arranging the clouds and the stars and the nebula to give me a message."

"I was travelling through the woods, and it was like every blade of grass and leaf from the trees called to me," Colton said, placing a hand against the trunk of the oak tree. "And She steered me in the right direction."

Humming, Caduceus nodded with that pensive smile of his as he methodically began pouring the perfect amount of tea into each cup. "What about you, Caduceus?" Clarabelle asked politely as she lifted the cup in her hands, letting the steam warm her face. "How did She steer _you_ do the Dust's?"

"Oh," Caduceus said like it was obvious as if they already had all the details. Not rudely, but like he was preparing to retell a story. "I died."

Colton choked on his tea. "You _died_? Are you joking?"

"Yeah. I mean, no," Caduceus rolled his eyes. "It would weird for me to say something like that and not mean it. Yeah, I died, no, I'm not joking. That's when She gave me my vision."

His hands didn't shake with the news like they would have expected him to. He was completely calm as if he were discussing the passing seasons and not his own death. Clarabelle leaned forward eagerly as Colton and Calliope exchange a glance. "You _died_?" Clarabelle asked, voice hushed like she was sharing a very important secret. "What were you killed by? A dragon? A giant? An ankheg? A behir?"

"None of those, but I have fought a couple of dragons, among a great many other things. But no, it was a goblin," Caduceus said as he pointed vaguely behind him. "It was Nott, actually. Well, she goes by Veth these days, and she's a halfling now, but she used to be a goblin for a little while."

The circle fell silent as Caduceus sipped at his tea and his friends had a loud yet light-hearted argument in the background while their father was laughing at them. Calliope had her hands fisted on her thighs as she eyed the dark-skinned halfling woman. "So what you're telling me is that you were murdered by your friend?" Colton demanded, turning fully to face him.

"No, idiot. It was an accident," Caduceus dismissed. "Friendly fire."

"That doesn't make it much better," Calliope muttered.

"Holy crap, Caddy!" Clarabelle sounded awed, and she stretched across the circle to touch him tentatively like she was afraid her hand would fall through him. "You died?"

A slow smile stretched across his face and he hid it behind his teacup, but there was a hint of smugness that sparked in his eyes as if dying was an achievement that he lorded over the others. "I mean, yeah. Adventuring is a nasty line of work. The world out there is dangerous. You've got to take risks, sometimes," he elbowed her in the side with a grin. "I've brought people back to life, too, if that's something that interests you."

Clarabelle's eyes went wide as if she were seeing Caduceus for the first time. And in a way, she was. Caduceus has changed a lot in the last ten years, to the point that they barely recognized him. "Really," Clarabelle longed for the day that she could save a life like the rest of her siblings. She looked over his shoulder to the rest of his friends. "Was it them?"

Very obviously, Caduceus balanced his teacup on his knee as he twisted around to follow her gaze. Yasha and Veth were wandering around the garden, plucking flowers from between the graves. Beau and Fjord sat together in the lush grass, leaning against each other back-to-back, Fjord sharpening his blade while Beau drank idly from a wineskin with her eyes closed as she basked in the sunlight. Caleb sat in the shade of their newly-fixed shed, reading a book as his cat chased white-winged butterflies across the lawn. Jester sat at the picnic table with Constance and Corrin while they taught her how to make pies. Corrin tended to her battle-worn, very dishevelled crimson weasel, and Cornellious whittled on the stump beside them, smiling softly.

When Caduceus turned back to face them, he was grinning like a fool. "Them? Oh yeah. They've died plenty of times. I'm surprised they haven't died more if I'm being honest. If you guys had seen what I've seen you'd understand. They're accident-prone. It's unbelievable, really."

Now, Colton and Calliope were craning their heads to look. The group just looked so normal, their wickedly dangerous weapons and harsh demeanour and bodies dotted with scars juxtaposed by the beauty and tranquillity of the newly restored garden. "Who?" Colton demanded.

Humming, Caduceus took a final sip from his teacup before putting it carefully down on the grass. He lifted his hand and began counting on his fingers as if the number of deaths was so plenty that he couldn't keep track of the numbers without some aid. "Well, there was Fjord, who was murdered on our boat in the middle of the night by fish-people who was sent to kill him by his old god. Well, now that I think about it, I don't think Uk'otoa actually was a god. Huh. Orly died too that day. He's not part of our group, but he's the navigator on our ship, but Jester brought him back. Oh, and Nott too. _Veth_ , I mean. Yeah. I almost forgot about that one. I think that's about it," he finished with a heavy breath, reaching up and scratching his head now that the numbers weren't needed anymore. 

He was speaking an entirely foreign language to his siblings and they were having a hard time keeping up with him. "How did _she_ die?" Calliope asked when it was clear that he wasn't going to continue unpromoted. 

His tea was already in his hands again when he blinked, slow and owl-ish. "Oh, right. It was a box if I recall. It exploded," he frowned and nodded at their forgotten teacups. "You'd better drink your tea before it gets too cold."

Hurridly, they picked their tea back up again and sipped at it, trying not to burn their mouths. Clarabelle was the first to gulp down her tea. "Wow. I can't believe you _died_ , Caduceus. And you're here! You still saved us. You still saved our home."

"I mean, he had help," Colton grumbled, obviously talking about himself. 

The girls ignored him, but Caduceus inclined his head in his direction. "You're right. I had plenty of help. If it weren't for Jester and her god bringing me back to life, and the rest of the group saving me at every turn, I probably wouldn't have gotten very far."

Calliope sniggered as Colton crossed his arms and pouted. "What was She like? The Wildmother," Calliope asked, almost nervously.

"Well, it wasn't like I spoke to Her. A lot was going on at the time, and we had much more pressing matters to deal with," Caduceus explained. "But She was... warm. Like when you lie on the grass and fall asleep in the sunlight, or bathing in the watering hole during summer, or being wrapped in a blanket by the fireplace on a cold night. Her touch was as light as the clouds. Her hair was red like the sunset. Her eyes as green as the grass of the Blooming Grove. Her smile was kind, the touch of Her lips was gentle. She was huge, bigger than the biggest mountain, and I couldn't look away even if I wanted to. She was... everything you've ever dreamed of and so much more."

All eyes were on him again as he recounted his experience with a dreamy expression, all previous hostility and jealously forgotten "Wow," Clarabelle sighed wistfully. "I hope I get to meet her someday."

"I'm sure you will. In time," Caduceus reached over and ruffled her hair. "Though I hope you meet her under much better circumstances than I did. You're too young and innocent to get scars like that."

The startling image of her brother, resting still and cold on the ground, eyes open, body mangled, lying in a puddle of his own blood, was almost too much for Calliope to bare. "But you have so many though, Caddy. Scars."

He watched her as she reached out and touched a hand to his arm, where the grey skin and pink fur were occasionally marred by white scars. She brushed her finger over a particularity large, jagged one. "I mean, it's part of the job description," Caduceus said. "You can't travel the continent, adventure with the people I travel with and get into the kinds of messes that we do without coming out of it with a couple of scars."

"What about this one?" Clarabelle asked, running her thumb across a long, gnarly scar on his leg. "How did you get it?"

Brows pinched together, Caduceus peered down to see what she was talking about. "Oh, that one. I think I was eaten by a worm of some kind near the Dust's. I was also swallowed by a giant frog creature at some point. Now that I think about it, I've been swallowed quite a lot by a few things. Huh."

Rolling his eyes, Colton pointed at a circular looking one. "Uh-huh. And this one?"

"That was from the blue dragon," Caduceus replied. "Or the white one."

Clarabelle pointed at a set of scars on his forearm. "What about these ones?"

"That might have been from the harpies we fought on the ship."

"And this one?"

"Oh, that was from the hydra. That battle was so stressful."

While Caduceus was busy examining his scars, turning his arms over to get a good look at the ones they hadn't touched on, musing about the circumstances of which he received them, his siblings were all sitting there, watching him in silent awe. "Holy Melora, Caduceus," Colton said, surprisingly gently. For once, there was no competition or jealousy in his voice. "You're a hero."

"Nah," Caduceus laughed jollily. "I just like helping out where I can."

"But other people would call you a hero, right?" Colton pressed. Caduceus tilted his head in the way he did when he thought one of his siblings were being foolish. "You've saved lives. You've literally brought people back from the dead. You've fought giant beasts and behemoths and monsters with these people. You're covered in so many scars. You've _died_. You can't tell me that you're not a hero."

"I try not to put labels on the things we do. Good, bad, hero, villain. Those sorts of terms do nothing but pigeonhole people into what they think they should be," Caduceus said. "But if you want to talk about it in terms of good deeds, then I like to believe that we give help where help is needed, and we doll out some punishment to those who deserve it." 

Grinning, Calliope elbowed the siblings on either side of her. "Stop being so modest," she teased. "Our sickly brother, the hero of the family."

Even Caduceus and Colton had to laugh at the absurdity of the statement. "I mean, I wouldn't say that we're heroes quite yet, but I feel like in time, we could be," Caduceus smiled. He glanced around the Grove at the bright grasses and strong trees and vibrant flowers and fleshy mushrooms. the flora outside the fence they had built to keep danger out looked healthy and green. "I uh... I must admit that it has been quite a journey. I'm very tired. This little break between adventures has been... well. It's been lovely."

"Well, you're home now, right?" Clarabelle asked with her big pleading eyes. "You can rest while you're here, can't you?"

Smiling softly, Caduceus reached over and patted her head. "I can, that's true. But remember, I'm not staying for long. We're probably going to leave very soon. But you're right. While we're here, we can finally relax. It will be nice not to worry, for a change."

Clarabelle crossed her arms and pouted, and Caduceus sighed softly as he tousled her hair, sending rainbow strains cascading over her face. "I don't understand why you're leaving so soon," Colton was the one to grumble. "You just go here. You weren't even here when we planted the crystals. You said that we had been gone for ten years before you rescued us. Why can't you just stay for a while?"

"Because our brother is a hero," Calliope said, and when Caduceus turned to look at her, she was beaming with gleaming eyes. "And just like he saved us, there are still people out there waiting for him to save them too."

"That's certainly part of it," Caduceus said as he felt a familiar warmth spread through him. "But..."

His siblings waited a moment for him to continue. When he didn't, Colton said impatiently, " _But?"_

Sighing through his nose, Caduceus turned to look back at his friends, his heart full. "But they still need me," he said. "They need me to help them see through... whatever that might be. I owe them such a debt for everything they've done for me. I have to repay that debt however I can, and right now, that means staying by their side and helping them out through their travels."

He turned back, and they were all silent, staring pensively down at their teacups filled with cold tea. "But when you repay your debt, and they finish their travels?" Clarabelle asked hopefully. "Then will you stay?"

"Oh yeah," Caduceus chuckled. "And for quite a while I suspect too. I have enjoyed my experiences of the outside world, have gotten a taste for it. But I have missed my garden, and my flowers, and my mushrooms. I have missed the graves I tended to so dearly. I missed my bed and our working kitchen, and our cabinets filled with fresh, folded clothes. And warm, running water, and no shortage of food. I have missed home. I have missed you all, too, more than you can ever imagine. I think, that when this adventure is over and I can finally settle down, I won't be leaving this place for a good long while."

"You'll have a home, waiting for you," Colton said with a nod, understanding where Clarabelle may not. "Healthy and alive, with your flowers and your mushrooms and your godforsaken bugs. It'll all be here when you return, and you can rest assured knowing that it's all because of you."

" _We'll_ be here, too," Callopie added. "None of us will leave until you come back, so we'll have some time together. More time than these few days. A few seasons, maybe. You'll never have to be alone again, Caddy. We're all going to wait for you. All of us."

"I appreciate that," Caduceus smiled. "I really do. And to tell you the truth? There's no place I would rather be."

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't include everything that the Nein have done, because Taliesin has said before that Cadueuss only pays attention sometimes? So I called him an unreliable narrator, just because there are some details he doesn't have or doesn't remember or something. Also, Caduceus has started referring to time as years instead of seasons??? So I don't know whats going on there but it's very noticeable when you're trying to write it.
> 
> (Also, Beau is helping Aunt Corrin pick the fruit because of how stiff she was after Jester healed her from stone so it's hard to reach up high, I know that the Clays are 7 feet, I didn't underestimate the size of the 4-feet-fig-trees, they look really big in the pictures, I did it on purpose, ok thank you)


End file.
